Friday, February 24, 2006

Ugh, writing.

I'm in a bad mood.
I tried to critique someone recently on www.critiquecircle.com. It was about as enjoyable as an enema.
This writer, and I use that term loosely, said she'd been published in a couple magazines and was a serious ecrivant. "Hey," I thought, "the perfect person to critique, perhaps they can return the favour and have something useful to add to my work."
Reading her work was torture. Based on her credentials, I spent a few minutes thinking her writing would improve.
On CC, you have to keep objective when you critique someone else. You can't come out and say, "This really sucks." or, "Are you in kintergarten, because you write like a five year old." Even though I was tempted like never before. After every paragraph, I wanted to say something about how much her story sucked.
There was NO conflict. Zero. It was like reading the dialogue between two of the most boring people in the world talking about how they watched paint drying all day. No-Conflict girl needs to read a few books on how to write. According to -"How to write a damn good novel" by James N. Frey, there are three elements to a good novel. Conflict, conflict and conflict.
Aside from the conflict, the constant mistakes made me want to bang my head against the monitor.

Since I'm being nasty, I've recently run across someone who claims their writing is damn good. They can't possibly understand why they aren't getting published and are being rejected again and again and again. Even after writing twelve books. They said there must be something wrong with the industry.
I'll give you a little hint. YOUR WRITING SUCKS
I don't claim to be a damn good writer. Sometimes people who read my work think I am, but they don't know squat. I suck too, and I will continue to suck and be a writing nobody until I get this book published. Then, I will claim to be a writer, a published writer. If I make a New York Times "This is a wonderful book quote." I might consider claiming that I am a good writer.
If I hit the best seller list with five books in a row, have a fan base like Stephen King and agents throwing themselves at me like Monica Lewinsky would to a president. Then I'll claim to be a damn good writer.
But until then - I SUCK TOO


But not nearly as bad as no-conflict girl.

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