Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Alien Conspiracy Theorists Suspect Harper's gotten to Layton

Alien conspiracy theorists, some of whom claim to have been abducted, have raised the alarm that the aliens may have infiltrated the NDP. Such theorists have suspected for some time that Prime Minister Stephen Harper is an alien. "How else would you explain his incredible control over his underlings and MPs," said one alien expert, who refused to be named for fear of repeat abduction. "They don't say anything without his approval. They even ask him if they can go to the bathroom. And look at his eyes, if those aren't freaky alien eyes, like the teletubbies have, then I don't know what is."

And now, there is fear he's infected opposition leader Jack Layton with his mind control probes. Yesterday, after a behind-closed-doors private meeting with Stephen Harper, Jack Layton emerged and was mum with the media.

Jack Layton, mum? Is that even possible. "I'm sure Stephen Harper somehow brought him under the same control his ministers are under. Every word out is strictly controlled by the man himself," said a conspiracy theorist who gave only his secret anti-alien code name, Thelula.

It may be true that this is the first time in the history of his leadership that Jack Layton, aka windbag, didn't blather on about some aspect of government.

"We need Doctor Who!" read one man's sign, as he stood outside parliament protesting the alien influence. When queried, he referred to Slitherens, a group of slimy green aliens who wear Human skin suits and fart and giggle a lot. "They've taken over!" he said loudly, his voice an eerie monotone. He went on to say he heard an MP, who this article will not reveal for issues of liability, let one rip on her way out of parliament.

More to come...

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