Sunday, November 29, 2009

Satire - Defending Peter MacKay

If, in some way, there was incompetence in this whole unfortunate Afghan Prisoner Transfer affair, it certainly wasn't Peter Mackay's fault.

In 2006, Peter MacKay was very busy with important things, such as being one of Canada's most eligable bachelors and fueling rumours of a spark between him and Condoleeza Rice, which, consequently was while Canadian policies in Afghanistan inadvertantly led to prisoners being tortured, raped, and perhaps even murdered. With so many emails to respond to, answering romantic questions and even, possibly, wooing an important Republican woman, it's perfectly understandable if he missed a few minor details, such as the fact that his policies were responsible for war crimes.

But there were other factors that are equally to blame. For instance, Condoleeza Rice wasn't the only woman knocking at the door. There was another, certain well known blonde woman vying for his attention. Yes, we all know who I'm talking about.

Elizibeth May!

That accursed woman should not have been running against him in his home riding in Central Nova. Peter Mackay had important things to do that didn't involve trying to convince the people in his riding that there is no such thing as Global Warming.

With so many door calls, emails, letters, phone calls, single Republicans, and a hippi-looking, wild-haired tree hugger vying for Peter Mackay's attention, it is perfectly understandable for his busy staff to have missed a message or two from Richard Colvin, or the Red Cross, or the Afghan Independant Human Rights Commission. So what? We all make mistakes at work. It's not a big deal if he took his hand off the wheel while his policies inadvertantly led to Afghan civilians being detained, beaten, raped, tortured, and perhaps even murdered.

And if those humiliated victims of abuse happened to get out of jail, it certainly isn't Peter Mackay's fault if they decided to join the Taliban, fuel the resistance, tip the balance in favour of the Taliban, who in turn killed dozens of Canadian and coalition soldiers and led the British and some other countries to label Afghanistan a lost cause.

We should not blame Peter MacKay for this.

Instead, we should be blaming Condoleeza Rice and Elizabeth May. For if they hadn't been distracting him with their assets, he could have spent less time worrying about his political career and more time focusing on the job at hand.

Furthermore, his staff should have been screening his emails and passing important messages onto him. So it is also there fault for not letting him know he was a war criminal.

It's also George Bush, Stephen Harper's, Syria's, and Sudan's fault. They started this whole torture thing. In fact, they made torture routine, turning it into an important issue. With the US torturing a Canadian citizen in Guantanimo (with our permission), Sudan torturing a Canadian citizen in Khartoum(at our request), and Syria having just finished torturing a Canadian citizen in Damascus(at America's request), what's good enough for our own citizens is certainly good enough for Afghans, right?

And while we're at it, where was Canada's opposition? They're the ones who are supposed to be making sure Peter Mackay does his job. If anyone is responsible for war crimes committed in Afghanistan, it's the Liberals and the NDP, who should have been shouting at Peter Mackay in question period the moment these allegations came to light.

As you can see, their are a lot of people to blame for the war crimes Canada is responsible for in Afghanistan, and none of them are Peter Mackay.

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