Thursday, December 10, 2009

Satire - Refugees Shun Canada

Recently, calls have been made to try Robert Mugabe for crimes against humanity in a rape campaign he allegedly masterminded during the previous election.

It's no secret that Zimbabweans, whose government led by Robert Mugabe, have been brutalized, raped, murdered and abused for years by their government. Zimbabweans often seek asylum abroad, in countries where governments don't terrorise and abuse people. Countries who seek justice against indescretions. Canada was once one of the countries they flocked to. This is no longer the case.

"After seeing Zimbabwe's government commit, or be complcit in attrocities, Zimbabweans wanted to go to Canada to get away from it. What do we find here, a Conservative government who also refuses to try their own MPs for being war criminals," says Micheal from Zimbabwe

Michael continues. "Seeing Peter MacKay up there, guilty of War Crimes and slandering anyone who dares speak out against him, calling them Taliban sympathizers. It's like we're back in Zimbabwe. I don't know why we left. It's the same thing. More and more people stand up for the truth. The government becomes more and more vicious. Scarier still, the Canadian government poll results are going up!"

John, a survivor of the Tutsi genocide in Rwanda, also draws parallels. "I see comments from Canadians, saying it's okay to torture people and transfer them into abuse, rape, and murder, because they're Afghans, because they must be associated with the Taliban. It reminds me of Rwandan Radio the day the genocide started. "Kill the cockroaches," they said, referring to us Tutsis. 'Kill the Taliban, because any Afghan arrested must be associated with the Taliban,' is what I hear now."

Meanwhile, other Africans compare the current Canadian government to Apartheid South Africa. They say that during apartheid, black political movements were ridiculed, slandered, oppressed. Just like what the Conservatives tried to do to Barack Obama during the primaries when someone leaked confidential information to undermine Obama's campaign.

But the comparisons to Obama is the lesser evil. That's politics. Other parallels between apartheid and the Canadian government is even scarier.

Neslon Mandela spent 13 years exiled from the South African mainland on Robbin Island.
Abousfian Abdelrazik, the Sudanese Canadian who mysteriously appeared on a terrorist blacklist, was harassed by Canadian authorities. Abdelrazik was exiled from Canada for seven years.

The parallels are terrifying. In fact, in many ways, South Africa at least was known to treat it's prisoners humanely. They dealt with them internally, not renditioning torture to rogue regimes like Sudan, where torture is commonplace. Do you think Mandela would be alive today if South Africa handed him over to be imprisoned somewhere like Sudan?

John from Rwanda also offers his opinion on Abdelrazik. "In Rwanda, it was innocent until proven Tutsi. In Abdelrazik's case, it was innocent until proven Muslim. He's lucky to be alive. Arar, too. Scarily, they still don't have enough evidence to arrest them. Perhaps that's the one bright spot for Canada, as much as their government are criminals, at least the Canadian police show some independant thought in following procedures. They're not government lackeys like in Zimbabwe and Rwanda. Although who knows what will happen if the Tories get a majority..."

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Satire - UK Hoteliers right to Mock Muslim Guests

In the recent BBC news article, "Christian hotelier 'abused' Muslim guest" a court case is being heard regarding two Christian Hoteliers who verbally abused a Muslim woman.

The Muslim woman claims it was because she was wearing a hijab head covering and gown.

Outside the courtroom, members of campaign group "The Christian Institute" demonstrated in support of the Christian couple.

"It's absolutely ludicrous, that in this day and age, a woman covers her hair up for religious purposes. It's sickening. It's a form of bondage," one Christian is reported to have said.

Below are some pictures of women covering their heads, showing just how wrong, disgusting, and inappropriate it is in today's day and age to oppress women and destroy their self esteem.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

You Tell Santa!

Zack, with his Toys R Us flyer, goes to see Santa. His big dark eyes grow wide as he sees the man in the red suit sitting in the high-back brownchair. "Santa," he shouts, wiggling to get past the other kids. Zack's mother and father wrestle with him, getting his jacket off. His father holds him and pays for some photos to be taken. He orders Christmas cards. His mother holds Zack's baby sister, hushing her as she wails. Finally, its Zack's turn. He goes up to see Santa, Santa has Zack's sister on one knee, and Zack on the other.

"Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Chistmas. And what's your name little boy."
"I'm Zack, that's my sister Alia."
"And what would you like for Christmas this year Zack."
"I'm glad you asked Santa, here it is. I want the Batman - The Brave and the Bold toy for Christmas. In case you're confused, I brought a picture. It's right here, no wait, on the other side, yes, right here. Now I don't want any of your elves skimping. I know their tricks. I don't want some cheap, dollar store, flea market souq Batman. I want the real deal, the Brave and the Bold. In case you're not sure how to make it, look at the picture. They sell them at Toys R Us. It's the one with the cape that expands as you crank its arm. I know the deal. I'll leave you some cookies cuz I know you big guys like sugary stuff. The gym is a couple doors down by the way, I know a good personal trainer if you want to work the Christmas cookies off afterwards. Oh, thanks, that's very nice, a colouring book and a candy cane. Merry Christmas."
"Smile for the photo!"

Friday, December 04, 2009

Satire - Afghans, Native Americans, and Palestinians Apologize to Stephen Harper

Afghan detainees, who were transferred into conditions of torture, rape, and even murder, have apologized for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"We see a place like Tibet, where the Chinese government has taken their territory and claimed sovereignty over them, and we see how lucky we are to have Canada and Europe as our occupiers," said Omar Khan, humiliated Kandahar civilian who was rounded up by Canadian soldiers in a security sweep and later tortured, raped and beaten. His brother is still missing.

"The humiliations we faced were mere inconveniences compared to what the Chinese have done to Tibetans. The Chinese brought horrible things such as economic stability, policing, and investment to Tibet. We are proud that our occupier, Canada, is standing up to these Chinese aggressors."

"Elections are the way to go," Omar Khan continued. "Democracy is so much better than Communism. China should look at Afghanistan as a role model of democracy!"

Native Indians, who were also the subject of humiliations, such as having their families ripped apart and the children sent into schools where they faced rape and beatings, think Canada is doing the right thing standing up to the Tibetan occupiers.

"It's wrong to steal land from people. It's wrong to force your culture on other people, and exploit their resources and land," said Native Indian, fermented potato on the Rocks.

Palestinians too, who have criticized Stephen Harper in the past for his staunch support of Israel, and for his refusal to condemn Israeli aggression even while they were committing war crimes, have come round to fully support Stephen Harper in his bid to lambaste China for their Tibetan exploits.

"You have to stand up for what's right?" said Palestinian Omar Bin Lyin. "Flooding a country with another culture, just because that other culture has more advanced weapons and technology, is wrong! Even if those cultures, and a power struggle, go back thousands of years, it shouldn't be put up with, ever. That's why I support Stephen Harper in his quest to right the wrongs China has committed."

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Tuesday Travails

It's about that time the mail arrives. I no longer get excited about the mail, even though I'm expecting a half dozen pieces of good news, or, in some cases, closure.

Still, I can't quite shake that feeling of disappointment each time I open the mail box, fully expecting to find nothing important, and finding just that. Bills, depressing bank statements, or threatening letters by people who want to kill me.

Okay, I made that last part up. But I'm working on it.

I want some closure mail in knowing my wife's taxes are done, and we can proceed with a subsidy request for daycare. We're now at about fourteen weeks (it's supposed to take six, but can take 10-12 weeks for first time filers.)

Closure in knowing that Alia has a birth certificate and we can proceed ordering her a passport.

Good news that I got a story published.

Great news that someone wants to publish my book.

Amazing news that I placed a story competition, albeit the least likely so far.

The only slightly welcome mail over the past months has been the Men's Health Magazine I subscribe to. With some recent contest submissions, I'm apparently now subscribed to three literary journals too, which will match Men's Health in my delight of getting something to read that isn't depressing, then again, have you read some of the stories in the literary journals?

Some stories are just depressing in an alcohilc downward spiral kind of way. Others are depressing because they are so damn good, and I think to myself, can I write like that? Does my story stand a chance beside this one in a competition. No, Damn it! Well, maybe my best story, if I work on it. Speaking of which, time to get cracking.