Saturday, March 26, 2016

Why Donald Trump Won't Win the General Election

Trump may be winning the Republican Primary, but let's break down America's electorate and see what his real chances are against a legitimate Democratic Candidate.

About 60% of Americans are white, and about 40% are non-white.

Considering Trump has been courting the Klu Klux Klan vote, eliminating the chance of getting 99.9% of black people votes, and further alienating Muslims and Hispanics by talking about building walls, banning Muslim travel, and big-brother monitoring Muslim segments of the American population.

I think it's saft to say pretty much the entire non-white vote will go against trump. So before he even gets out of the gate, he's got a 40% disadvantage and is fighting for the remaining 60% of the electorate.

Of those 60% of votes he might still get, nature would say that about half of those are females. While there may be a few females out there who are willing to overlook his demeaning, insult-laden, sexually objectifying views of their gender, I would wager to say that at least half (and this is an extremely low estimation) of white women would not vote for a man who is commonly perceived as a chauvinistic jerk.

So that leaves at most, 45% of the remaining electorate who don't yet feel alienated enough to actually consider voting for Donald Trump.

At this point, he has already lost. 55% to 45% - and that is assuming every single white male, and half of the white females are going to vote for him.

I predict that Trump's presidential bid will decimate the Republican party for a long time as it exposes the racist, uneducated, embittered segment of the American population willing to vote for him.

Exactly what amount of the remaining 45% of voters who might lean Republican will end up selecting Trump will inevitably expose just how damaged, racist, and bigoted the electorate can be.

I wouldn't be surprised to see the biggest landslide in American history as the Democrats take the White House.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Red Deer Criminals Reluctantly Agree to Reduce Violent Crime in Wake of Hospital Bed Crisis

In response to the shutting down of five operating rooms at the Red Deer Hospital, the Criminal Operators Working in and Around Red Deer Syndicate, otherwise known as "COWARDS," have reluctantly agreed to reduce violent crime in the city. The news is a welcome respite to the frustrated doctors desperate to ease the burden on Red Deer's "Critical Condition," operating room Crisis.

The March 1 flood initially forced AHS to shut down four operating rooms, until investigators surveying the damage last weekend found water had also penetrated a fifth surgery suite. Hospital staff say the presence of water in the walls can’t be tolerated in a sterile environment, as it carries a risk of mould and other infection control concerns.

Work on all five affected surgery suites is expected to begin this week.
"We are just trying to do our part to help our city," said Bubbles, (not his real name) a well known crystal meth dealer in town. "I'm putting off slashing at customers with a machete or breaking the legs of the drug addicts that don't pay me - for a little while anyway. Call it a rain check, but I think it's important to help out when the city needs a hand."

Meanwhile, Tyrone, a pimp who regularly gives severe beatings to the prostitutes under his downtown jurisdiction has promised to turn over his baseball bat and brass knuckles as he does his part in helping curb the operating room crisis.

Work on the hospital is expected to take anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of months.

The hospital will have to function with just three working operating rooms, plus one surgery suite designed for urology procedures. The hospital is still accommodating all patients requiring urgent and emergency surgeries, but many non-urgent and elective surgeries are being rebooked.
As of Monday, 67 surgeries had so far been delayed, and while that number is expected to grow, the reduction in operations on Seriously Hurt Individuals Treated for Retribution Acts on ThemSelves, (SHIT RATS) is expected to decrease. 
With news from the Red Deer Satire Network.